You might remember Mr. FD as "Mr. Kissy-face." It was my first post-divorce date, so really my first date in 7 years, and it actually went pretty well considering—apart from the unexpected (and not entirely desired) displays of affection. He ninja-kissed me halfway through the date, and I spent dinner and the drive back home in a state of shock and confusion.
But I decided to give Mr. FD a second chance, though I knew in my heart that I was certainly not in the company of Mr. Right. With "people-reading" as one of my few talents, I sometimes feel as though I have something of a disadvantage in dating: after only a short while in a guy's company, I have already made up my mind about him. So then, of course, I accept the first date with little reservation (I could always be wrong in my first impression, you never know), but by the second date, I am feeling very guilty about accepting if I have already decided this person is not, and never will be, my potential soul mate.
Because I am quick to decide, does this mean that I don't ever get to roll the dice past the first date? At what point am I leading the person on? I almost feel more guilty for shooting a person down after only one date--especially when they really didn't do anything horribly wrong.
The little angel on my shoulder beats guilt into me and wins out. I decide to go on this second date with Mr. FD, but if I still feel the same way after spending more time with him, it will be my chance to tell him—in person—that I don't think this arrangement is going to move past friends. I provide this rationale to Rowdy:
Rowdy: I thot I had decision-making rights! do NOT go - u will for sure chicken out.
DD: No I promise - if I decide for sure that I'm not interested, I will tell him
Rowdy: U decided - u r not interested and he is creepy - end of story
DD: But he was nice...it was fun. kissing him was not completely unpleasant...
Rowdy: Todd says ur psycho - u tend to avoid things that r "not unpleasant"
DD: If nothing else it will give me practice in exercising the kissing kibosh...
Rowdy: Now u r just justifying...wait and see chicken.
I really am determined to prove her wrong. I swear. I even listen to her good advice and come up with an elaborate excuse to meet him at the restaurant, instead of having him pick me up. That way, if no sparks fly on Round 2, I don't have an uncomfortable car ride home.
Ding! The bell sounds to commence Round 2: We have dinner... no sparks fly. Shocker. Actually, no conversation even flies; we just don't have that much in common, so we definitely run out of topics of discussion. I figure he can feel the lack of connection, too, so I am shocked when he suggests:
"Want to go to a movie? Or walk around town for a while?"Are you kidding me? Am I the only one at dinner tonight? I decide I must not be making it obvious enough.
"Really, I should be getting home. Lots to do. Lesson planning and such, you know. Here, seriously, let me pay at least half the check..."
"No, of course not...my treat. You can maybe contribute after a few more dates...."A few more dates? Is he nuts? How could he possibly feel like we have a love connection? I start to give the It's not me, it's you speech, and ... nothing. I can't do it. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but he's sitting there, smiling at me, and I just can't get them to flow out of my mouth. That stupid little angel is telling me to be nice, and I can't seem to shut it up. Silently, I'm cursing my ex-husband, because I was supposed to be DONE with this. I was never supposed to dump another person in my life, I said good-bye to this horrible affair when I said "I do," and now look at me -- stuck in this awful moment and unable to be the brutally-honest woman I have earned the right to be after all this.
The minute the bill is paid, I head for the door, give him a "thanks," an air-kiss in the region of his cheek, and head for my car. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him stomp off a bit quickly... then his car pulls away before I even put my key in the ignition. Sigh. I guess I must have told him without having to use words, which was exactly what I had hoped for. So why do I feel so guilty -- did that way of ending it maybe make him feel worse?
DD: I chickened out.Rowdy: I KNEW IT. pls tell me no 3rd date...
There will definitely not be a 3rd date. Unfortunately, I should have ignored the little angel who guilted me into giving him another chance. Mr. FD should have stayed at just a first.
However, a few days later, the little angel who has been making me suffer in guilt finally is given good reason to slink away embarassed:
Mr. FD: Hey, Pretty Lady. Are you in town this wkend? I just picked up football tickets...
Apparently, I have a few things to learn in my special talent of "people-reading"... and in dumping a guy.
Lesson #3 in Post-Divorce Dating: When entering the dating arena, trust your instincts, wear thick armor, and carry a big stick. Your instincts will make your decisions, your armor will protect you from harm, and the stick will certainly be needed for your defense — and to beat away that pesky little angel on your shoulder who tries to interfere with your common sense.
Forever fearless,
Dumbfounded Divorcée
This post does not capture the depth of my protest. I believe the words "are you high?" and "I F&#%!*#@ TOLD YOU SO!" were in there somewhere.
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