Moral Standards & Dating Rules

DD:     Omg.  I have 2 dates with 2 diff guys this week.  I am such a slut!

Rugrat:     And then you are going to TX for a 3rd  ;-)

DD:     Crap ur right.  I AM a slut!

Rugrat:     Ur not a slut unless you sleep with them.  So ur good. 

And this is where my dating advice comes from...awesome.  I would be more horrified if I wasn't so sure that 99.9% of the time, she is right on with her observations.

Her response made me realize something, though:  after divorce, what are the dating rules?  Are the rules different from when you are dating and have never been married, or are they the same?  Prior to my divorce, I last time I went on a date I was 23 years old and fresh out of college.  At 23, I had a whole set of guidelines and standards for dating.  But now?  I have no idea where those lines are drawn anymore.  I no longer remember the rules, and I'm not sure they are even the same at age 23 as they are now.  I mean, please—I just spent the past 7 years with only "rules" applying to my conduct with people outside my marriage, not to the person I was with.  It's kinda like divorcées are used to no rules, so we need to re-assess and set guidelines all over again.

For example, what is the magic number of dates before a person should expect attempt at a kiss good night?  How many days is one supposed to wait before calling for a second date?  How many dates does it take before things are considered serious?  And what are the signs that the person is interested, like really interested in you, and not just wanting to go on a date with someone they find attractive?  How do you know?

I started asking around, and here are the best 10 rules for dating that I received back from friends:

1. Make the guy pay.  You can be a feminist in every other facet of life, and this way, if the date stinks, it didn't cost you anything except a few hours of your time.
2. It's okay to kiss on the first date.  Just don't sleep with him.  Herpes is not a urban legend.
3. If he lives with his parents, has a cat named Fluffy, or collects Star Wars action figures, run.
4. Have a girlfriend ready to make a get-me-outta-here call in case you need to bail.  Or install the i-Phone app that calls in an emergency for you.  Gotta love technology.
5. If he's ugly, have a drink and skip dinner.  If he's really ugly (like resembles Iggy Pop or could be Steve Buscemi's twin), go to the bathroom and don't come back.
6. Do not even think of going anywhere near a guy who owns blow-up dolls.  It is not safe.
7. Never date a man who's butt is significantly smaller than yours.  That's just not right.
8. Chivalry is not dead—make him be a gentleman.  If he acts otherwise, you then have permission to ditch being a lady and tell him what you think of his lack of chivalry.
9. If he pulls into the driveway and honks, you better not even think about going outside.
10. The specifics for all blind dates or guys you met in a bar need to be properly recorded on paper somewhere in your home or e-mailed to a friend.  I suggest leaving a note taped to the fridge:  "My name is Dumbfounded Divorcée, and on August 17th, I went on a date with Mr. Serial-Killer at 7:30 p.m.  I don't know his address, but his phone number is 123-456-7890, and all other descriptive info known (hair color, tattoos, bad pick-up lines commonly used) is listed below.  If it is anytime after midnight on this same day, please send police, search parties, and ambulances to find me by using my cell phone location tracker, as I have set it up specifically for this date.  In the event that you cannot find me, I have attached a list of where I want all my stuff to go.  And please feed the dog.  Thanks."

Maybe after this dating week, I'll have a few more rules of my own to add.  Wish me luck!

Forever fearless,
Dumbfounded Divorcée