Bursley: DD!!! My brother's friend is single! (we like him but not his previous taste in women) - and Ben would like to know if you would be at all interested in meeting him? He is a police officer, likes to go out with friends, very social, plays baseball, likes to bike ride of course and golf. He graduated from Lynn U where he played baseball. He is from MA...loves the red sox.
DD: Are you really setting me up from 1000+ miles away? That's love.
My old roommate and dear friend from college, Bursley, has a brother (Ben) very close in age who happens to live about an hour away from me, so when I get this text message, I am surprised at how far news of my dating dry spell had reached.
I pass along my number to Bursley so she can pass it on to her brother, who can then pass it on to his single friend (oh, the lengths I seem to go for a date). A couple days later, I receive my first message:
Hi :) I am the friend that Bursley's brother told you about. How are you?
We continue to text back and forth, and, before long, my new friend has earned his name: Officer Smiley.
Officer Smiley: That's okay, I understand you've been busy. Saturday sounds like a great day...I'll call you and we can make plans :) Do you like sushi?Officer Smiley: Hahaha it is a little disturbing to think about eating raw food lol. I was thinking we could go out somewhere and have a drink :) you're down south right?
Officer Smiley: :) I can't let you do that lol...besides, I've never been to your area. One thing- I have no idea whats down there lol. what's a good place to go?
Officer Smiley: That sounds fantastic! :) I'm excited! Ben has told me so much about you.
Officer Smiley: :) Yeah I guess you're right. Definitely a first for me but I'm looking forward to it. You seem very nice :)
Count 'em...one, two, three, four, five, six smiley faces. Okay, I don't judge. I ask my trusted male advisers about the use of happy faces in text messages by guys to see what they think.
DD: Need blog help - what is your response to men using excessive smiley faces in text messages? Like every message?
Bear: That is just stupid and weird. how old is he?
Todd: I use them maybe once every thousand texts—with Rowdy. And that's it.
Great Dane: Sounds a little strange. Trying to be cute or something. Of course, I've been married since texting has come out, so maybe not the best to ask.
Big D: :-) haha!
Determined not to write another guy off before I've given him a chance, we set up our date: dinner at Bahama Breeze, halfway between both of our houses.
And dinner is actually nice! Officer Smiley is definitely a very smiley type of person, but he's nice, charming, and pays for dinner...so far, no red flags. He even insists upon walking me out to my car as we continue to chat.
"Thanks so much for dinner," I say. "I had a really nice time.
"So did I! I'm so glad we finally got to meet. Bursley and Ben started talking you up as soon as I broke up with my ex, and they didn't let up!" he laughs.
Oh yeah, the ex, I think. I remember something about that. My curiosity gets the better of me, so I decide just to come out with it. "Yeah, I heard from Bursley that you had recently been through a pretty bad break-up. How long had you two been together?" I ask casually, trying not to sound like I'm prying.
He remains silent for a second and then drops the bomb. "Ten years."
What the...?!? Ten YEARS???!!!??? Break-ups are difficult after ten weeks, devastating after ten months, but ten years? I can't even imagine...how long does it take to get over that? So I ask the next burning question in my mind: "So, um, how long ago was that break-up exactly?"
Officer Smiley begins to squirm uncomfortably. "About...two months ago?" he responds without really looking at me, more of a question than an answer. Like he's trying to figure out whether I'm thinking that he's actually completely out of his mind...or if he's really just that desperate to get laid again.
"Um...okay...wow. Um, are you, like, okay?" I slowly ask, trying to keep a sympathetic face, not wanting to display the utter disbelief I feel. I think about how it's been two years since my four-year marriage ended, and I'm only just now feeling okay.
As he opens up about his recent heartache, I hear the usual—"it had been over for a long time" and "it was for the best" and "I'm already over it." I can't stop my mind from drifting...is it wise to involve myself with someone potentially carrying just as much baggage into the relationship as I am? I decide not.
But if nothing else, Bursley was right about one thing—the date did have a happy ending because it made me realize that I have come a long, long way since that bad break-up called divorce. Thank goodness I don't have to go through that again. Poor Officer Smiley...he has a lot of growing (and possibly growing up) to do in the coming months.
Lesson #14 in Post-Divorce Dating: How long does it take to heal a broken heart? There is no specific standard for how long it takes to move on after a relationship ends. Many people say it takes half the length of your relationship; therefore, beware a man who is in month two of his 5-year plan...lol...wink... ;-)
Forever fearless,
Dumbfounded Divorcée
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