Yep, that's all I needed to say, right? Black sneakers. That's as far as I got in my story during Christmas dinner, and it was enough to have cousin almost shoot wine through her nose.
Now the black sneakers didn't look like these:
Or these...
Or even these...
(Yes, even those last ones would have been a step up.)
Until I become more stealthy at taking covert pictures on my dates, I've had to try and find via Google the best replica that I can, and the closest I've come are these:
But honestly, they might have been even worse.
Pair that up with "mom" jeans, and you have tragic. Then cap it off with an expectation of a 40-year-old man who looks thirty-five, and a reality of a 40-year-old man who looks forty-five, and what you have left is just one really long ass date with that creepy middle-aged neighbor who lived down the street from your childhood home and who everyone thought was a pedophile.
After dinner, a hockey game, and a car ride out of the jam-packed arena parking lot (WOW, long date!), we didn't seem sorry to say good-byes.
No second date happening here.
But then I start thinking...why didn't he want a second date?!? I'm cool...right? Surely Mr. Black Sneakers wasn't looking at me thinking: Gosh, look at those flats, so out of style! And who on earth picked out that shirt?! Wow, doesn't she have a friend who can tell her that hairstyle is soooo '90s...? What if the past five hours were just as excruciating to him as they were to me? Sadly, the thought did not even cross my mind until after I watched his car pull away from the parking lot where he had dropped me at mine.
I did try to ignore the fashion faux pas and get to know the inner Mr. Black Sneakers during our date. But maybe I'm too judgmental on outward appearances? Is it wrong to size up a guy based on how they look on the outside, or is it recommended that you sit through dinner, a hockey game, and a car ride before you can veto a second date?
I conclude it was wrong of me to assume that a forty-year-old man in black sneakers would be thrilled to be out, no matter who he was a date with, but I realize that I really did try to keep an open mind throughout our date. I certainly do not want to be a shallow person looking at only inner beauty, but there is something to be said for outward appearances giving you a lot of insight into personality. Mr. Black Sneakers and I just didn't click, appearances aside, and I believe that first impressions really do tell you a lot about a person—which presents the question: what does my first impression say about me?
I have never really wondered what my dates think about on their way home from meeting me. I'm so busy debating on whether or not I liked them, I forget to consider whether they liked me. Obviously, this guy didn't. Maybe I'm not as date-able as I think I am...
But at least I won't be the one wearing black sneakers.
Lesson #13 in Post-Divorce Dating: Never commit to a five-hour date with a complete stranger who you met on eHarmony. It is not shallow to promise only a drink or coffee before making any further obligations. Also recommended? Before the date, ask the guy to send you a full-body picture of himself in his normal attire—and holding a newspaper with the current date clearly visible.
Forever fearless,
Dumbfounded Divorcée
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