Building a Bridge

Bear:     after that texas post, I have officially downgraded u to a Category 4 Man-Hater.  good job

DD:     oh come on now!  let's not get ahead of ourselves.  momentary lapse in judgment - got a little soft from vacation mindset.  quite sure force will be regained over the wkend

Bear:     nope don't think so.  a few posts now in a row in which u have displayed visions of hope & light & happiness...& all that junk

DD:     hardly - i'm still swearing off men - i JUST chatted with a girlfriend who told me how she found out her creepy husband was doing all this awful stuff behind her back.  AND they have 2 kids.  no downgrade. 

Bear:     too late.  done.  build a bridge and get over it.  u have to stop blaming us for all the jerkwads out there.  we don't blame u for every crazy chick out there.  and trust me - there r plenty of crazy chicks.

DD:     true.  but there r plenty of nice girls too.  there r no nice guys - at least not once u start dating them.

Bear:     ouch

DD:     they start nice and then u start dating them and BOOM - jerk

Bear:     so can i disprove your theory after i date a girl when i don't turn jerk?  i can provide proof, references...

DD:     sure - i'll have a panel consider the evidence.  but let's be honest.  men = jerks.  male pic in the dictionary next to 'jerk' to prove it.

 Bear:     sending you a link...30 things women shouldn't do after age 30.  check out #8

At this point in the conversation, I check my e-mail to find this site - http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-30-things-every-woman-should-quit-doing-by-30/

I scroll down the things every woman should quit doing by age 30, and #8 reads:

Declaring an entire gender 'all jerks.'

Okay, how does he do that?  I write back swearing that Bear is somehow responsible for crafting this website.

However, on the other hand, does the website make a valid point?  Is there an age where I am cut off from being skeptical and untrusting of the male gender?  Maybe it's like women wearing mini-skirts in their 40s, or men wearing loafers without socks before 45.  But don't I get a grace period—like 1 year before and after my husband throwing me out?

I decide Bear's list is utter nonsense (I will probably never stop using the name 'daddy' no matter how old I am), but maybe he is right.  Maybe I do need to build a bridge and get over it and accept the fact that one bad experience should not affect all my relationships going forward—if only it were that easy, though.  I can't seem to make my heart feel any differently about men.  At least not yet.

I suppose it's possible that building a bridge just never gets easier once it's been explosively burned down...or does it just take the right person on the other side of the ravine to help you navigate your way across? 

Since I did rule that the "30 Don't" list could use some work, I crafted some better lists—with help from my wonderful friends Mamasita, Rowdy, Dolly, and Stella.  Enjoy!

After the age of 30, a woman should not:

1. Wear a mini-skirt or a tube-top—obviously.
2. Try to "fix" or "change" men.  This lesson should have been learned by now, right?
3. SETTLE!  Better single than miserable.
4. Dress up for Halloween as a "sexy" anything.  Yes, a naughty school girl does count.
5. Do shots—that's what college was for.
6. Have un-dyed gray hair—that's what retirement is for.
7. Be jealous...of anyone.
8. Let a man determine her self-esteem.  No man is worth a shattered confidence.
9. Participate in a wet t-shirt contest.  Really—it needed to be said.
10. Be naïve.  Period.

After the age of 30, a woman should:

1. Date—a lot.
2. Treat herself to things she wants...especially when it comes to designer shoes.
3. Not sell herself short with men.  By the age of 30, you've dealt with a lot of crappy ones—you deserve it.
4. Learn to get a drink bought for her at a bar.  30s are the new 20s—own it.
5. Dress and act her age while staying young at heart.
6. Learn how to cook—microwave popcorn and soup from a can doesn't count.
7. Consider dating a guy slightly out of her 'Mr. Right' image.
8. Date someone younger—so long as the guy has been over the drinking age for at least a few years.
9. Make out like a teenager in the movie theater (you're 30, you're not dead).
10. Be happy with being herself—that includes the size of her butt, the shape of her nose, the hatred for spinning classes, the number of her wrinkles, the laziness in shaving her legs, the habit of being judgmental, and the addiction to Coach purses.  Love yourself—after 30 years together, you being you is at least one thing you can always count on.

Forever fearless,

Dumbfounded Divorcée

Introductions

Hello readers!  Welcome to "Divorced, Dating, and Dumbfounded."  I am a blogging virgin, so please bear with me as I get this thing rolling.

To start:  a little about me.  I am newly single, not yet 30, scarringly divorced, and apparently destined to have impressively unlucky and complicated (or wildly entertaining, depending on how you look at it) dating adventures.  When my friends pressured me to start blogging about my first-date experiences, I decided to follow their advice.  After all, they are probably smarter than me, considering they are all happily in love with very quality guys.  They have to be doing something right.

I chose the name of this blog because, this dating thing?  I have no idea what I am doing, considering it has been 7 years since I last went on a date.  It's not to say I have no dating experience.  It's just been a while.  When I was 23 years old, this handsome, confident, humble gentleman started pursuing me, finally asking me on a first date, and the rest was history.  We were madly in love after only a few months, engaged by the summer of 2005, and married by the spring of 2006.  We both loved college football, living in the South, laid-back restaurants, Seinfeld, and laughing with each other until tears ran down our faces.  I promise:  our marriage was no mistake, no bad decision.  We were once very happy and compatible.

Somehow, that all changed.  By the time January of 2010 rolled around, that handsome, confident, humble gentleman had changed into a man who obsesses over job success, wears only designer clothing, no longer wants to have kids, and cheats on his wife.  He asked for a divorce, and the future we had envisioned together went up in smoke.  Only it was his decision.  He expected it.  I didn't.

Therefore, my foray back into the dating world was completely unanticipated.  I considered myself finished with this strange universe called "being single" when I said my vows at the age of 25.  However, life is full of the unexpected.  It took me 8 months of post-divorce recovery, but here I am again—dating.

Am I ready?  To be honest, I'm not sure you are ever ready to start dating again.  I'm not sure that a divorce, particularly one involving infidelity, is something you really ever fully recover from.  But since I have never done the dating-as-an-adult thing (and yes, slight motivation that my ex wasted no time on his part), I recently decided that I might as well jump right into the pool and be fearless.

So this is my blog:  my quest through the world of post-divorce dating with the goal of having every quintessential dating experience (hey, like they say, if you're gonna do it, might as well do it right).  Entertaining my readers will be the unintended icing on the cake.  Crazy, unlucky, and unpredictable is my lot in life, and, so far, my dating experiences have proven to be no different. 


I am hoping that, in addition to providing entertainment, this blog will also serve to determine 3 things for me:

1. Is being single and dating not only fun but also preferable to married life? (my money is on 'yes')
2. Is there actually someone out there who could truly love me faithfully and forever?  (my money is on 'no')
3. Is true love and faithful commitment still in the cards for me?  Is it possible post-heartbreak? (jury's still out on this one)

So here goes nothing...enjoy! :-)

Forever fearless,
Dumbfounded Divorcée